Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Noirvember - The Beaten Path - Page 2

Start from the beginning.

1 - Carson shoves Stephen in the shoulder, putting Stephen off-balance.  Carson looks disgusted; Stephen looks confused - this frustration has put him off-balance figuratively as well.

CARSON: "Shit"? You've just taken this man's life, and that's all you can manage?

STEPHEN: ...what?

CARSON: Ronald may have wronged our mutual employer, but what gives you the right to enact so final a judgement on him?

2 - Carson crouches down next to the open case, picking up muddy wads of cash and piling them back into the briefcase.  He has a frown on his face.  Stephen stands in the background, looking stunned and sheepish (he could also be putting his gun away absentmindedly).

STEPHEN: You're not being serious right now, are you?

3 - On Carson as he closes the suitcase with a shove - the money hasn't been piled nearly as well and it's overfull.  Carson scoffs dismissively, a slight grin on his face to show that his little speech was in jest.

CARSON: Fuck no.

SFX: clik!

CARSON: Ronnie was an asshole.

4 - Bird's eye view looking down from above at the scene on the forest floor.  Carson is up, wiping some dirt and mud off his pants (for what little it's doing him), turned away from the body and case.  Stephen pauses above the body, looking down at it.

CARSON: But it would have been a lot easier to get him back to the car if he could walk.

5 - Carson is already walking away - perhaps even partly off-panel.  The focus is on Stephen, who is still looking at the body.  Maybe he's looking a little ill / uncomfortable.

CARSON: Come on. I've got a hacksaw in the backseat.

Next page.

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