Friday, December 2, 2016

Noirvember - Free Lunch - Page 5

Start from the beginning.

1 - On Randall as he gets puts his hands up in an attempt to placate Charles.

RANDALL (1): Okay, I get it.

RANDALL (2): You can keep watch out here.

2 - Randall is up the stairs at the doorway on the second level, a gun drawn.  He looks down at Charles, who is rolling his eyes and munching on the bread.

RANDALL: But I'll get the bigger share.

3 - Randall kicks in the door.  In the background, Charles searches through his coat.


4 - Randall is inside and out of view.  Charles has pulled out a phone that he is talking on as he walks out of the alley.

CHARLES: Hello, 911?

5 - Shot of the neighbourhood.  Maybe we're jumping forward in time as some cop cars race towards Chez Edgar.

CAPTION (CHARLES): I'd like to report a robbery.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Noirvember - Free Lunch - Page 4

Start from the beginning.

1 - Randall is off the curb and heading off-panel.  Charles looks after him in surprise, starting to following.

RANDALL: But Edgar does.


2 - Randall is heading into an alley beside the restaurant, with Charles following behind.  Frame from inside the alley looking out, so Randall and Charles are moving towards the reader.  Randall looks confident, while Charles looks dismissive.

CHARLES: You're planning to rob a restaurant?

RANDALL: Not a restaurant...

3 - On a doorway up on the second level in the alley, with some stairs leading up to it.

RANDALL (off-panel): The owner who lives upstairs.

4 - Randall moves close to Charles, speaking to him in a conspiratorial manner.  Charles cocks an eyebrow, suspicious of the idea.

RANDALL: It's perfect. The old man doesn't believe in banks. He keeps everything he's got in a safe in the bedroom.

5 - Randall turns and mimes kicking down a door, his arms flailing about in what he thinks looks like kung-fu.  Charles is off-panel.

RANDALL: We'll kick in the door, make some noise, and be out with your money before anyone's the wiser.

CHARLES (off-panel): Funny...

6 - On Charles at the mouth of the alley.  His arms are crossed, unconvinced (note he should still be holding the bread in one hand, as of yet untasted).

CHARLES: I seem to recall the last time you said something like that I ended up in jail.

Next page.